Have you been releasing anything lately? Or have you noticed certain things falling away from you/your life??

Have you been releasing anything lately? Or have you noticed certain things falling away from you/your life?? During this time, things that are not serving our highest good are clearing away. We are going through a bit of a cleanse or a detox right now.
What has changed, disappeared or altered?
What about your JOB or the way that you do your job? Are you really going to ever be back in your place of work 5 days a week from 9-5 if you can be productive from home? Is business travel necessary if meetings can take place online? Maybe you are re-evaluating a different career path all together or looking for an alternative source of income?
What about the PEOPLE you normally would hang out with, or your RELATIONSHIPS? Many of us haven’t been able to have physical contact with those in our social circle, but have some of those people started to show you their true colors in recent months? Maybe by how they are handling the pandemic? Maybe they have shown you through their social media posts? Maybe things are coming to light, or to the surface in one way or another? Are “your people” maybe not the people who you thought that they were? Are you evolving to the point that you don’t relate to some of the people you used to hang with? Maybe you have realized that it it time to move on?
What about your daily BEAUTY ROUTINE? (That has clearly changed while most of us have been home for the past few month.) If you’ve lived without certain products or services up to this point, do you really ever need all of them again? Maybe you are re-evaluating your spending habits and have decided there are things in your daily beauty routine that you can live without? Maybe you can find things in your cabinets or pantries at home that work just as good as expensive store bought products?
What about your FASHION CHOICES? After we’ve dressed in comfort for so long, why would we ever want to suffer in tight or uncomfortable clothing again? Maybe you have realized that you only wear a few outfits or the same pieces of clothing on a regular basis and there isn’t a need for many of the items in your closet that you thought that you needed? What about the “quality” of the clothes or shoes that you buy? Are you maybe considering if you purchased better-made items, they would last longer and you would not have replace things as often, or produce as much waste when you discard worn out items?
Are you not into REALITY TV like you used to be? Perhaps the “drama” seems tone deaf lately? Or perhaps, just like in other places in our world, you see the “masks” falling off of the people you follow/watch and they are not the people they portrayed themselves to be in their show or social media? Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you have better things to do with your time than watch senseless drama?
What about the choice of BUSYNESS? Was running around to your kids’ 10,000 activities really serving your family’s highest good? When things resume, will all of these activities be asked for by your children or enjoyed?
Are you re-evaluating your current FOOD SOURCE? Are you releasing the idea that you need to depend on a store for your food? Maybe you are deciding that you or your community can produce your own food or use local resources to get what you need?
What about traditional EDUCATION? What is actually needed for learning when it comes to the location and time spent learning?
When you release things, or the idea of things, that no longer serve your highest good, you are making room for the things that do or will serve your highest good! CHANGE will come with this cleanse or detox, and for many, change can be scary. If you release what is no longer serving your highest good, you will make room for better things, for a better way of life, to come your way. Start taking notice of what is changing, disappearing or being altered in your life and in the world right now as we go through this cleanse.
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Accepting What is, and Manifesting Love, Hope, and Compassion!

Accepting “what is” is a “recognition” of what is going on around us and not necessarily an “agreement” to what is happening. With that said, what are your thoughts manifesting?? (I hope that it isn’t fear.) Remember if something is “real” in your brain, it will be “real” in the physical. In this potent time, what do you wish to attract? Negativity, resistance, anger, disappointment, chaos or fear? Or love, hope, abundance, inspiration and compassion?

Emotions carry their own vibration. When you come from a place of fear or doubt, you decrease your vibration. Emotions like love, peace, or joy carry a vibration between 500–600hz, while fear vibrates at 100hz?

94021886_862141730974215_6444068016366813184_oIt is vital that you align your thoughts to manifest positive outcomes. (This doesn’t mean you are walking around “happy” with what is going on in the world around you, but rather how you are reacting to it.) When you come from a place of love, peace, or joy, you are not just raising your own vibration, but doing your part to raise the vibration of your home, your neighborhood, your town, your state and even that of the planet as a whole. Something so useful right now.

You can raise your vibration through meditation, grounding (or earthling); listening to music or singing; utilizing a creative outlet, focusing on gratitude, spending time in nature, as well as accepting what is.

It is also helpful to remember to stay hydrated, mindful of what you eat, and take breaks from both the news and social media as needed, if not all together.

Accept what is and do your best to try to raise your vibration. It is something small we can do, but its impact ripples far wider than you think.

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Would you like to elevate your vibration and remove confusion or disorder between you and another?

Would you like to elevate your vibration and remove confusion or disorder between you and another? I have a quick, little exercise that you can do anywhere: I want you to send *love* to someone who bothers you. At first, this may not be easy, but you will feel freer every time you do it. When you send love to someone who you feel has wronged you, you are practicing unconditional love and compassion. In return, you will feel better and more empowered. When practicing unconditional love and compassion, you raise your own vibration.  When we raise our own vibration, we elevate the vibration of the planet as well. I don’t know of any better time to do this? Can you?

Man Standing Raise your Vibration2

I first wrote about this exercise back in January of 2019. You can re-visit it here: https://healriseupandascendwithamber.wordpress.com/2019/01/13/strengthen-your-emotional-power-with-this-quick-little-exercise/

What if stay-at-home orders, quarantining and social distancing are giving us the space and time that we need to reflect and evaluate the current path that we are on?

91436211_848307212357667_7070134176355188736_oWhat if stay-at-home orders, quarantining and social distancing are giving us the space and time that we need to reflect and evaluate the current path that we are on?
What if during this time, we are being given the opportunity to make changes or adjustments, or to choose an entirely different path all together?

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What if you took a Mental Health Day Away from Covid-19?

What if you took a Mental Health Day Away from Covid-19?

What if you distanced yourself away from the news, other people’s opinions, empty store shelves and social media for just one day?

It is fair to say that we are all suffering from Covid-19 Overwhelm. Too much of anything is never a good thing and sometimes too much information can send you down the rabbit hole. I am also a firm believer that if information needs to get to you, it will find you.

Under normal circumstances we all deal with  varying levels of stress in our day-to-day lives, but throw in a pandemic, and there are many new layers of stress added personally, professionally, emotionally and even physically. Anytime you feel that your stress level is about to reach its peak, it is time to hit the reset button. What if you took a day and hit the reset button?

What if you took a Mental Health Day Away from Covid-19What if you hit the reset button by turning off the news on your TV or electronic devices? The same news will be there tomorrow. And as I said before, I am a firm believer that if information needs to get to you, it will find you.

What if for a day you ignore any text messages from friends or family that have to do with the virus? And likewise, what if YOU refrain for a day from sending or forwarding around any text messages to friends or family that have to do with health information, funny memes or do I dare say a “designated Corona Prayer?” Don’t take this the wrong way, we should ALL be praying during this time but there is no “one-size-fits-all” prayer that if the chain gets broken by someone not forwarding it we are all screwed.

What if for a day you stayed out of the store? Looking at empty shelves that are missing necessities doesn’t help anybody’s stress level. Observing others dashing in and out of aisles like the virus is going to “bite them” while they are stocking piling for the end of the world can get under one’s skin and get in your head, too.

This may be the hardest suggestion yet, but what if you don’t participate in anything on social media that has to do with the Corona Virus for just a day? And by this I mean, you aren’t giving your time, energy or attention to any so-called (debatable) stats and facts, memes, images or news stories that appear in your news feed. What if you refrained from beating others over the head about how they need to be staying home with your posts, comments and temporary profile picture? (I get it, you feel that by spreading the word you are helping the situation or feel that you have a piece of control when everything seems out of control, but really, you are just beating more people up who are already feeling down. The ones who are not staying home or social distancing are not at home on social media to see you telling them to stay at home!)

Take a mental health day and do something that you enjoyed doing before all of the started. Do something that you find to be relaxing, try to rest, or try something that you have always wanted to do.  I promise that you will feel more balanced if you distance yourself from the news, information and the many opinions surrounding the virus and the fall out around it.  Even if it is just for a day, try to ignore it and leave it in a corner like a misbehaved child and go fill your head with something else.

Forty Ways to Keep Busy

spending timeQuarantine for many is terrifying. Maybe you are finding yourself with more time on your hands than what you are used to?   Maybe you feel that you have less time? Time is a gift and we get to choose how we use it. Here is a list of 40 things that you can do to honor the time that you have been given.

  1. Get plenty of rest. (Rest keeps your body and mind healthy and strong.)
  2. Bake something. If you make a double batch, share with someone. Baking can also help with stress as some find it to be calming and soothing.
  3. Be present. To be present means to have your focus, your attention, your thoughts you’re your feelings all on the task is at hand. You are present when you let go of the past and you don’t focus on the future.
  4. Check-in with family, friends, and neighbors to see how they are doing. You can see if anybody needs anything.
  5. Clean your home, vehicle, and garage. A messy, dirty, or cluttered space can make a person feel anxious and less focused.
  6. De-clutter cabinets, drawers and closets. Clutter is nothing but unprocessed memories. Clear the clutter and give what you no longer need away. If you aren’t able to donate items, put them aside in a box and when you hear of someone needing something, go to that box and give  what is in need away.
  7. Detox your social media feeds and contacts. You are what you read and come in contact with every day. Social media is a magnet for negativity and fear and it has the ability to ignite panic and false information at an exponential rate. Protect your own energy and mental state by unfriending, un-following, hiding posts and/or muting people who spread negativity and fear into your world.
  8. Educate yourself on how to preserve food.
  9. Email or call local non-profit organizations in your area and ask how you can be of assistance.
  10. Establish a community garden where you live.
  11. Exercise your intuition and learn to trust it. We all have intuition. Gut feelings are intuition.
  12. Fill your home or space with positive energy. Play music, open the windows to let fresh air in, pull back the curtains to let natural light flow in, invite nature in with houseplants, hang things that make you happy, or add some color around you.
  13. Find a personal mantra or daily prayer that you can say when you get up in the morning or throughout your day. A personal mantra is an affirmation to motivate and inspire you to be your best self. It is typically a positive phrase or statement that you use to affirm the way you want to live your life.
  14. Find things or do things that make you laugh.
  15. Get familiar old fashioned remedies that you already have in your cabinets with things like apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, baking soda, cinnamon and turmeric (to name a few).
  16. Get moving! Exercise, walk, move your body or dance.
  17. If you are religious, use this time to strengthen your relationship with your God/Creator. If you are spiritual, use this time to strengthen your spirituality.
  18. If/when you start planting your garden, plant a little extra for neighbors and strangers.
  19. Incorporate gratitude into your day. Go for a walk and in your head think about what you are grateful for, or before you go to bed at night, recite a list and give thanks for what you are grateful for.
  20. Incorporate uplifting sound into your day through music, chanting or church hymns.
  21. If you have children, have them journal as well.
  22. Learn deep breathing techniques. Deep breathing can decrease stress, stimulate the lymphatic system and increase both immunity and energy.
  23. Learn to meditate. Meditation clears the mind, calms the body and helps with decision making.
  24. Look around your home for ways you can scale back on your water and electrical use.
  25. Observe how much food you waste and make changes accordingly.
  26. Offer support to first responders, hospital workers, and public health officials in your area.
  27. Organize old family photos. (If you have children, teach them about relatives in old photos.)
  28. Read the books you have never started. Re-read books that you already have read.
  29. Reconnect your body to the earth. This is also known as grounding (or earthing). Grounding neutralizes free radicals. One way to ground is to walk barefoot outside.
  30. Research and get familiar with the term “Mutual Aid.” Imagine living it.
  31. Search your home for items that you can fix or repurpose instead of throwing away.
  32. Share whatever you have with another.
  33. Smile at others.
  34. Spend time outside in nature.
  35. Start something you have always wanted to start like a hobby, an organization or a skill set.
  36. Take the time to write a letter or send a card to somebody who matters to you. Teach your children how to write a letter or note and mail it off.
  37. Teach yourself to play an instrument.
  38. Throw your weight behind anyone willing to take on difficulty for the well-being of the collective.
  39. Unsubscribe from email and mail solicitations that you no longer need or want.
  40. Use this time to release grudges and forgive those who you think have wronged you.

How are you spending your time? Drop me a line or comment below to let me know.

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Keep Calm! What if COVID-19 (a.k.a. The Coronavirus) is Just a Paradigm Shift?

shift photo

Keep Calm! What if COVID-19 (a.k.a. The Coronavirus) is Just a Paradigm Shift?

What if the “Virus” is doing exactly what it is supposed to do?  To dismantle which no longer serves us?

I know that it is hard right now, but it is VERY important to NOT get swept up in the panic and anxiety surrounding what is going on in the world around us right now. The fear and panic is manifesting low (negative or heavy) vibrational energy. PLEASE DO NO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DRAGGED DOWN. It is important that we all hold ourselves at a HIGHER VIBRATIONAL LEVEL.  What if the “Coronavirus” is really just a paradigm shift? A paradigm shift is defined as “an important change that happens when the usual way of thinking, or doing something, is replaced by a new and different way.”  What if this shift will bring about changes within us, within our society and even within our planet? What if this shift or change will make us look at the world around us differently and as a result we will go about our daily lives differently? What if this shift helps us to shed what no longer serves us, or our highest good? What if this shift teaches us to get back to basics and live a simpler life? What if this shift opens our eyes to the idea that sharing makes more sense than trying to be successful on our own? This isn’t a bad thing, it is just different than what we are used to. What if all of this “down-time” we are experiencing is giving us time to hit the “reset button” along with time to think and reflect? Change can be scary, but that is why it is important that we keep our vibrational levels high (positive).  We must not react from a place of fear, but from a place of compassion. Things like war, violence, racism, greed and hatred are NOT the answer. We cannot solve any problem if we remain at a low vibration. If you want to do your part in smoothing the transition that we are currently experiencing, raise your vibration.

Do you have any Bad Apples in Your Family Tree?

apple treeFamily can be amazing. And it is natural that we may not always see eye to eye with those we are related to. We may even fight or have disagreements with our immediate family or our relatives, but having family feud or a sibling rivalry with one another is not the same as being around someone who is toxic, causes chaos, or leaves you with a negative feeling after every interaction.

Toxic people don’t show remorse for how they make you feel, for their actions, or lack thereof. The keep moving along like they haven’t skipped a beat.  And though as adults, we may be a bit more resilient to this type of behavior, as children grow older they can become quite observant and make their own opinions about a toxic relative.

The actions of toxic people usually stems from a deep-seated insecurity that compels them to drag people down into their one-dimensional hole of insecurity and instability.Because of this, you may find yourself walking on eggshells and overthinking every interaction with a toxic parent, sibling or relative.

bad appleDo you have a Toxic Parent, Sibling or Relative? Here are some signs to look for:

They “play” against you. A toxic person will actively undermine your relationships with other family members or relatives by going out of their way to damage your relationship(s). This can happen by betraying your confidence. Perhaps they tend to over share personal stuff about you that you would rather not have shared, stretch the truth or throw you under the bus. When this happens, they clearly don’t have your back and they are playing against you.

They are judgmental or overly critical, and they display jealousy.  Jealously is a good indicator that you are doing something right. (People don’t tend to get jealous of losers, do they?) Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much internal self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them. Typically, jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism or gossip.  Maybe they are judging your hair, what you are wearing, your job, your recent life choices or the date you brought to the last family function.  Ask yourself if you feel that they are honestly looking out for your best interest, or in six months from now when you break up with the date that you brought will you realize they were right?? If they are judgmental and just seem to be close minded or have a lack of manners, then yes, you are dealing with a toxic (and jealous) person.

They are negative more often than not. The conversations, thoughts and comments of a toxic person always seem to lean to the negative, sad or pessimistic side. The world is against them. Their job is against them. And as you try to stay positive with these “Negative Nellies” and bring up positive conversation, they take it the other direction. Perhaps you comment on what a nice day it is outside, and they point out that it is cloudy. You give them a compliment on what they are wearing, and they respond with how they’ve gained weight or start to dwell on their recent health problems. You may comment on how you feel comfortable with the temperature in the room, and they will comment that they are cold. You say right, they say left. You say up, they say down. People like this tend to also dwell on negative things that have happened in the past. They can’t ever seem to let things go and to move on.

They play the blame game. Toxic people tend to blame others for everything. They are never wrong, at least in their mind. And when they actually are wrong, they won’t ever admit it. Do you have that one relative who is either late or a no-show for family gatherings? Do they blame the airline? Do they blame their job, the weather or their pet? Do they blame the distance that they had to travel? Do they blame the dinner host for deciding what time dinner will be served or what is on the menu? Maybe you have a sibling or relative that showed less than desirable behavior towards you and instead of owning up to what they did, they go around to other family members or relatives and put the blame on you.

They feed off of drama and they can be manipulative. If they aren’t creating it, they are fueling it. Drama is created by a toxic person by creating conflict. They also try to get others involved in the drama and they make you feel as if anything you say can and might be used against you. Better yet, if they are good at what they do, they have had other “targeted victims” before. Past victims know what it is like to be out the “outs” with the person creating the drama so some may play along with them, even if they know the drama creator is in the wrong.

They have explosive anger issues. (Cue the yelling, and maybe even some tears.) Though anger is a natural emotion, and most of us can regulate it, toxic people tend to lose their temper at the drop of a hat and as they do so, they tend to ruin the day, or occasion for the rest of us.

They actively ignore you exclude you. Toxic people can ignore or exclude you in a number of ways. Sure there is the leaving you off of the invite list, but, have you ever walked into a family function where someone tries to either intentionally ignore you or avoid you all together? (This usually has to do with the guilt of their actions, not yours.) Maybe it is around a table of conversation. You aren’t included and no eye contact is made in your direction?  Have you ever had a situation where you have tried to make your way through a room, through a house or even a funeral parlor or banquet hall to have a friendly conversation with a (toxic) person and every time you get close to this (toxic) person, they walk farther away from you?

They only contact you when they need something or are trying to cover their tail. Be suspicious of those who only crawl out of the woodwork when they need something from you like money, a ride, a random invite to something for the first time in years, or want you to pitch in for a group gift. Be cautious when you feel that the contact is inauthentic.  It’s not that these things don’t happen in everyday life, but when a person has been silent towards you for an extended period of time and the request comes out of nowhere, be suspicious as this is a trait of a toxic person.

They talk more than they listen. And they don’t just talk, but really run from the mouth constantly and even if you try to chime in, they brush over you and the talk goes back to them because they want your empathy, your sympathy, or your support. But note that they don’t actually want your advice.  They have to always be right. (If that person has children, their children are never in the wrong, either.) Even when they (or their children) are wrong or sort of wrong. They feel that this makes them an authority on things but they really aren’t. Remember that confidence is silent and insecurities are loud!

They will lie to you. You will ask questions to show interest in their life and get flat out lies in return. Can you relate to any of these types of conversations?

 “I heard that you found a place and that you’ll be moving.” “Nope, haven’t found anything yet” (Hmm, the rest of the family seems to know that you put earnest money down.)

 “Your son (or daughter) is engaged, have the couple decided when or where for their wedding?” “No, I don’t know what they are doing.” (Hmm, the Bride is full of information.)

“I heard that so-and-so finally had luck in selling his/her mother’s house.” “Umm, I don’t know.” “Well I saw it online as “contingent” (just trying to make conversation and take interest), are you sure? Umm, well, they didn’t really make much off of it, but they are glad to have it gone. (Liar, liar pants on fire! So you do know.)

They dismiss or minimize your feelings (and possibly even your spouse’s or children’s feelings) when it comes to their actions and behavior, or lack thereof? Do you have a relative who is sorry, not sorry? Maybe you have a relative who used to send gifts to your children for birthdays and holidays and they abruptly stopped. Or maybe when they do send them, they are weeks or months late and at that point, should have just been skipped. Perhaps your children don’t see a (toxic) relative often and the few times they have the opportunity to, the relative either cancels or is a no-show. Maybe at gift-giving time you have a (toxic) relative who gets your spouse something that shows how lazy the giver was about the gift, or the lack of thought that was put into the gift. When you drop a hint for what is a better fit for your spouse for future gift-giving, or are proactive the next time and try to provide a few ideas, it falls on deaf ears. Maybe you are related to (a toxic) somebody who hold gatherings at their house, holidays, barbecues or go out to eat to celebrate milestones and birthdays and don’t consider inviting you, your husband or kids for whatever reason. Perhaps you still follow up by sending a card, gift or acknowledgement of some sort, but you get no response back.

Toxic people are exhausting! Besides the fact that you won’t feel like yourself when you are around them, you will become exhausted from being around a toxic person, even if it is just for a short time. They will leave you feeling drained. When this repeatedly happens, you start to dread being around them way before you actually have to interact with them.

So what do you do if you have identified a toxic person who you are related to?

When dealing with a toxic person, remember that it is not you, it is them and that their toxicity usually stems from their own internal traumas or insecurities. And unfortunately, unless they want to do some deep, inner work, they probably won’t change. Their choice. That is when you can make changes.

The first thing that I recommend that you do is to take a step back and take some time to decide what you want out of the relationship with the toxic person and what roll you want them to play in your life and what roll you want them to be in yours. Maybe you decide to have limited contact. Maybe you try to have more. Decide if you will maybe just love that person from a distance (see my post about sending *love* to people who are bothering you). You don’t have to be on good terms or bad terms. You can just wish them well. Only you know what you can handle emotionally, mentally and physically. Once you decide, set clear boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate and follow those boundaries. Decide what you will (and won’t) tolerate. But beware that when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you, so you may feel some backlash. Rise above it. The truth always comes to the surface.

Sometimes the only way to win, is to not to play. You can ignore the toxic person as well as their toxic behavior. Toxic people crave attention. By ignoring them and not giving energy or a reaction to their behavior, you are suffocating them. The less you respond to a negative or toxic relative, the more peaceful your life will become.

Surround yourself with positive people. In your family unit or family tree, can you find someone who is positive to be around? Someone whose company you enjoy? If not, maybe it is time to ditch the family functions and start your own traditions and celebrations with those who feel like family. Family isn’t always defined by blood.

Practice Self-Care. Before a possible interaction with a toxic relative (a party, a wedding, a funeral, a celebration, a holiday gathering) do something that brings peace to you or makes you feel good. Go for a jog or a walk. Sit at your favorite place of worship. Listen to your favorite music or practice some self-care. When you are in a good head space, it is easier to handle those who are around you.

Actual physical space between you and a toxic person is helpful. I wrote about it here: “A Little Space (Away from Negative or Toxic People) Never Hurt Anybody.”

Carry protective crystals in your pocket, purse or even in your bra. I know, this may seem too far out there for some, but there are times that you can’t avoid a negative relative at places like funerals or weddings and you may want to bring some reinforcement. For example, Black Onyx absorbs negative energy. Black Tourmaline is great for repelling negativity. Amethyst help to calm you around the actions of others. Crystals do need to be cleansed and charged, so make sure you educate yourself on how to maintain them.

Try sending a letter or email. In your message explain how your feel. Are you confused or hurt? Do you need to apologize for anything? Offer to set up a time for a phone call, to meet for coffee or to have dinner together to discuss whatever issues may need to be discussed. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t get a response. Remember that a toxic person’s actions (or lack thereof) has to do with them.

Let them eat cake – at your house! Even if someone has treated you poorly or shown toxic behavior toward you, it is okay to take steps to let that person know that you are still open to having a relationship in some capacity. For example, extend an invite to gatherings and celebrations that take place at your home. You might be surprised to see who doesn’t respond to such invites, but that is on them and that just exposes their toxic behavior even more. You won’t second guess yourself when you know that you have left the doorway open or the olive branch extended.

Sever contact if necessary. It is okay to remove toxic people from your life who threaten your joy. You don’t have to hold space for those who have damaging effects on your mental, emotional and physical health or who take away from your happiness. You can love a relative, and you can even forgive them. But it is okay to move forward in your life without them. And just because you are at peace, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t still toxic.

Take people out of boxes. In our heads we have the idea of how things should be. How people should act or what role they should play. (The role of a traditional mother, father, grandparent, sister, brother, etc.) When we put people in the boxes of how we thing they should be, we feel let down or disappointed when they don’t live up to our expectations. When you take people out of “boxes” they can no longer disappoint you.

Let go of guilt. Most of us feel the guilt of disappointing a parent or loved one if we don’t do what we think they expect us to do. (For example, “If I don’t show at Aunt Betty’s for Christmas Eve, I may disappoint Mom. “) Maybe you don’t want to attend because of the toxicity that will also be there. Make a date with Mom to spend New Year’s with her and let go of the guilt that you didn’t show up to Aunt Betty’s. Holidays and family traditions tend to be dictated by those who have passed and who are no longer with us. Rest assured that if all of your aunts and uncles don’t show up to Thanksgiving, your grandmother won’t roll over in her grave.

Let go of Worry. Don’t waste energy worrying about family that doesn’t worry about you. It is their fault if they miss out on you, your children or your family. Rather focus your energies on those who show that they care. You don’t have to tolerate people who treat you poorly.

Family can be amazing, but don’t discredit your feelings around a person just because they are blood or married into your family. Figure out what you want out of the relationship and take the necessary steps to protect your own happiness.

Are you Aware When someone tries to take Your Personal Power Away?

confidenceHave you ever had someone try to take your personal power away in a social or a-one-on-one setting?? It isn’t always a grandiose act, but can be a small comment here or there that only you hear. Standing in your personal power is different than standing up for yourself, though both are very important. Personal power isn’t something that is given to you, like a job promotion, and it can’t be found externally, you need to dig deep inside to find your power and to stay in it.  When you stand in your own power, you have a strong knowledge of yourself and you hold self-confidence.

Over the years I have come to notice when someone has tried to take my power in certain situations and in some cases they did. Here are a few examples:

During my teenage years, I was at an outdoor family gathering. I had left the party with a few relatives to go for a swim and then returned back to the party. Around that time in my life was when I started to worry and care about how I looked. Being that this was a party and a milestone was being celebrated, I remember trying to put my best foot forward, even after going swimming. Upon my return to the party, my hair was wet, but I still remember that the rest of me was put back together. The hostess of the party came up to me after I had returned and said:  “Wow! You really look like sh*t!” (I recall thinking to myself, “Gee, thanks, I was actually feeling pretty good about myself until you said that.)

I recall another time when I was a young mom. I had just had my second child and we took a family photo and used the photo on our holiday card that year. I had just had my second child a few months previous and I thought that the photo looked decent enough for just having a baby and a toddler in tow. In the photo, I wore a necklace that was attached to a ribbon. The cards were sent out and Christmas Eve rolled around. We gathered with relatives on the Eve and I had one tell me out of nowhere, (with no mention of the card), that she “really can’t stand those ribbon necklace things that people wear.” And that she “finds them so annoying.” (I remember feeling surprised by the comment and then feeling crappy about the photo. To this day, it’s not one of my favorite family photos and I hardly look at it because I still remember the comment that was made.)

Then there was the time that I was in my child’s classroom where there was a substitute teacher. I knew who the substitute was though I didn’t hang out with her, or the crowd she ran with. Upon my arrival there weren’t any children in the room yet. She started out friendly, but then told me that I had something on my mouth or face. I checked myself out in a mirror in the classroom and didn’t see anything. She tried insisting that it was still there, that it looked like toothpaste or something. I looked again. Nothing… I remember realizing what she was doing to me right then and there, but let it go as children were starting to walk in. I am not sure if I would have said anything if we were still alone at the time, as I remember feeling a bit shocked that “this game” was being played by an adult, in a classroom, where she teaches young children.

Another time when sitting out on my patio with a beverage waiting for my husband to join me, a lady from the neighborhood walked into my yard with a drink in her hand and pulled a seat up for herself. (I didn’t offer her one.) Other people I know see nothing wrong with this gal, but from what I have observed, I keep her at an arm’s length. That night, I remember thinking maybe I’m wrong about her, let’s see where this goes. Well, she proceeded to do most of the talking (and my husband didn’t come out and join me so I was on my own). Right when I thought, well, this isn’t so bad, she proceeded to tell me that “If she worked from home all day, she’d gain wait too.” (By saying the word “too” she was insinuating that I was gaining weight since I was at home, though at that time I hadn’t put on any extra weight.) Then throughout the remainder of her stay, she kept weaving in and out the words “Her financial adviser…” into the conversation. Her financial adviser this, her financial adviser that… she was eluding that her and her husband’s monetary situation was better than mine and my husbands. I kept my mouth shut as my husband works in the financial industry therefore we DON’T need a financial adviser, but I recall that I couldn’t wait for her to leave and once she did, my head was spinning due to the fact I was (and still am) right about the type of person she shows me that she is, and other’s don’t seem to see it.

In each of these situations, someone tried to make me feel less confident about myself, or tried to make me feel less than them. Each time I noticed that something was being said, but in my younger years I didn’t associate the actions as someone trying to take my power away.

Here are some ways to regain or to maintain your personal power:

  • Be aware that you are the co-creator of your reality.
  • Be honest with yourself and how you feel around certain people and situations.
  • Don’t play the victim to anyone or any situation, and don’t play the victim in your head.
  • Don’t seek outside approval, or validation from others.
  • Don’t spend time thinking, feeding, or going over negative interactions in your mind.
  • Don’t let other people’s behavior dictate your emotions.
  • Focus on what YOU are doing (or not doing), and don’t waste time focusing on what OTHERS are doing or not doing.
  • Forgive wrongdoers. Forgiving someone is the best way to take back your power. Not for them, but for you. By holding a grudge against another person they are stealing your joy.
  • Know your worth, acknowledge your values, and live true to what’s important to you.
  • Learn to shake off disrespect.
  • Learn to stand out in a crowd and dare to be different.
  • Practice self-care on a regular basis. Self-care such as meditation, yoga, or a spa day, can help you to replenish your energy. Regular self-care will help you to stay in your power long-term.
  • Practice using some positive self-talk, or mantras, on a regular basis or in necessary situation.
  • Realize that people who are not yet awakened to their own power may find yours threatening.
  • Recognize that NOT all people are YOUR people.
  • Remember that not everybody needs to like you.
  • Take responsibility for everything that you experience – your job, the parties you attend, the people you date or hang around, etc.
  • Understand that the outside world is a reflection of you inner world.
  • Use experiences where you’re power has been challenged as an opportunity for growth.
  • Use physical and emotional boundaries. People who have strong boundaries radiate more confidence and self-respect. Boundaries can also help you to bring the right people into your life.
  • Walk away from people, conversations or exit the room.
  • Watch your internal dialogue. Our thoughts become our reality.
  • Your self-worth does NOT depend on other holding you in high regard.

confidence2As I have gotten older, and a bit wiser, I have learned to hold on to my power, or at the very least, recognize when someone is trying to take it away. The more we stop giving away our power, the more quickly we can evolve on our spiritual path.

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Protect your Energy in the Workplace by Building a Solid Social Circle

Go toward people, groups and activities that make you feel good. Just as someone draining you negatively affects your energy, so being around happy people that make you feel comfortable will have a positive effect.

In a work or professional situation, this can mean, seeking out coworkers whose energy you really like and finding ways to spend more time together. Coordinate lunch or coffee breaks, schedule a video chat, or getting together for after-work drinks. Your social circle, especially in the workplace, does not need to be a large one, as quality over quantity tends to prevail.

Seeking out and tuning in to people who leave you feeling energized makes it that much easier to protect yourself from the influences of those who don’t.

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