Valentine’s Day, Spiritual Connection and Numerology

I love taking in all of the gorgeous (sometimes over-priced) flowers in the stores this time of year when the temperatures are frigid and snow is piled up on the ground. Single or not, Valentine’s Day is a great day to try to focus on your own happiness and what makes your heart sing.

Not sure what to do on Valentine’s Day? Use the day as a springboard for developing a new relationship, to buy some books you’ve never read before, to write a letter to a special person or to the universe, to visit an animal shelter or nursing home, or to perform a random act of kindness.

When it comes to numerology, February 14th has special meaning as it offers multiple layers of numeric energies as February is the second month in the Gregorian calendar. Number 2 represents relationships, love, communication and surrender. The 14th day is a number that contains innovative structure applied to communication, usually in a broader perspective that touches many lives, such as through writing, art, media and much more…The month and day total the Number 7, suggesting a spiritual approach to communication, relationships, and discovering cooperative solutions. This shows that the energetic influences of Valentine’s Day has its roots in a deep spiritual connection, and suggests that truly loving relationships come from Spirit, or from Spirit working through others. You express your divine nature through your relationships.

“A person should look for love within, not just outside. As long as you don’t find love within, you can’t find love out there, never, never.” — Baba Muktananda

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Are you Aware of the Health Problems that are Linked to certain Chemicals Found in many Hand Sanitizers?

I am not a doctor, or a licensed medical professional. The information that I share is from personal experience and research.  I am not paid or endorsed for any of the products that I mention on my blog.

My children are back in the classroom for school and I find the amount of times per day that they are directed to use hand sanitizer to be alarming!!! Teachers and staff aren’t to be blamed, as they are following the rules that have been passed down to them. Rules and procedures are what they are, but we still need to be mindful of what we are putting in/on our bodies, and our children’s bodies.

Do you know what is lurking in your hand sanitizer??

Hand sanitizers often contain chemicals called parabens that prevent the growth of bacteria. They’ve been linked to a host of dangerous health problems including cancer, (as well as breast cancer), neurotoxicity and endocrine disruptions. They can affect fertility, and make for hormone problems and reproductive toxicity.  These parabens can weaken the human immune system, as well as create antibiotic resistance. And lastly, they can cause skin irritation, including Eczema; and they can also speed up the skin’s aging process.  It is important to avoid labels that include these (way too common) parabens such as: butylparaben, ethylparaben, methylparaben, and propylparaben.

When necessary, I like to use less toxic versions of hand sanitizer, some of which are pictured below. (I am not paid or endorsed for any of the products that I mention on my blog.)

 

I am amazed on almost a daily basis at how many people I know are unaware of the harmful effects of hand sanitizer. It also startles me when I have heard others say that all of the hand sanitizer use is a “good thing.” When you know better, you do better. PLEASE RESEARCH the harmful/negative effects of hand sanitizer. I promise that it will shift your awareness.

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Have you been releasing anything lately? Or have you noticed certain things falling away from you/your life??

Have you been releasing anything lately? Or have you noticed certain things falling away from you/your life?? During this time, things that are not serving our highest good are clearing away. We are going through a bit of a cleanse or a detox right now.
What has changed, disappeared or altered?
What about your JOB or the way that you do your job? Are you really going to ever be back in your place of work 5 days a week from 9-5 if you can be productive from home? Is business travel necessary if meetings can take place online? Maybe you are re-evaluating a different career path all together or looking for an alternative source of income?
What about the PEOPLE you normally would hang out with, or your RELATIONSHIPS? Many of us haven’t been able to have physical contact with those in our social circle, but have some of those people started to show you their true colors in recent months? Maybe by how they are handling the pandemic? Maybe they have shown you through their social media posts? Maybe things are coming to light, or to the surface in one way or another? Are “your people” maybe not the people who you thought that they were? Are you evolving to the point that you don’t relate to some of the people you used to hang with? Maybe you have realized that it it time to move on?
What about your daily BEAUTY ROUTINE? (That has clearly changed while most of us have been home for the past few month.) If you’ve lived without certain products or services up to this point, do you really ever need all of them again? Maybe you are re-evaluating your spending habits and have decided there are things in your daily beauty routine that you can live without? Maybe you can find things in your cabinets or pantries at home that work just as good as expensive store bought products?
What about your FASHION CHOICES? After we’ve dressed in comfort for so long, why would we ever want to suffer in tight or uncomfortable clothing again? Maybe you have realized that you only wear a few outfits or the same pieces of clothing on a regular basis and there isn’t a need for many of the items in your closet that you thought that you needed? What about the “quality” of the clothes or shoes that you buy? Are you maybe considering if you purchased better-made items, they would last longer and you would not have replace things as often, or produce as much waste when you discard worn out items?
Are you not into REALITY TV like you used to be? Perhaps the “drama” seems tone deaf lately? Or perhaps, just like in other places in our world, you see the “masks” falling off of the people you follow/watch and they are not the people they portrayed themselves to be in their show or social media? Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you have better things to do with your time than watch senseless drama?
What about the choice of BUSYNESS? Was running around to your kids’ 10,000 activities really serving your family’s highest good? When things resume, will all of these activities be asked for by your children or enjoyed?
Are you re-evaluating your current FOOD SOURCE? Are you releasing the idea that you need to depend on a store for your food? Maybe you are deciding that you or your community can produce your own food or use local resources to get what you need?
What about traditional EDUCATION? What is actually needed for learning when it comes to the location and time spent learning?
When you release things, or the idea of things, that no longer serve your highest good, you are making room for the things that do or will serve your highest good! CHANGE will come with this cleanse or detox, and for many, change can be scary. If you release what is no longer serving your highest good, you will make room for better things, for a better way of life, to come your way. Start taking notice of what is changing, disappearing or being altered in your life and in the world right now as we go through this cleanse.
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Would you like to elevate your vibration and remove confusion or disorder between you and another?

Would you like to elevate your vibration and remove confusion or disorder between you and another? I have a quick, little exercise that you can do anywhere: I want you to send *love* to someone who bothers you. At first, this may not be easy, but you will feel freer every time you do it. When you send love to someone who you feel has wronged you, you are practicing unconditional love and compassion. In return, you will feel better and more empowered. When practicing unconditional love and compassion, you raise your own vibration.  When we raise our own vibration, we elevate the vibration of the planet as well. I don’t know of any better time to do this? Can you?

Man Standing Raise your Vibration2

I first wrote about this exercise back in January of 2019. You can re-visit it here: https://healriseupandascendwithamber.wordpress.com/2019/01/13/strengthen-your-emotional-power-with-this-quick-little-exercise/

What if stay-at-home orders, quarantining and social distancing are giving us the space and time that we need to reflect and evaluate the current path that we are on?

91436211_848307212357667_7070134176355188736_oWhat if stay-at-home orders, quarantining and social distancing are giving us the space and time that we need to reflect and evaluate the current path that we are on?
What if during this time, we are being given the opportunity to make changes or adjustments, or to choose an entirely different path all together?

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Do you have any Bad Apples in Your Family Tree?

apple treeFamily can be amazing. And it is natural that we may not always see eye to eye with those we are related to. We may even fight or have disagreements with our immediate family or our relatives, but having family feud or a sibling rivalry with one another is not the same as being around someone who is toxic, causes chaos, or leaves you with a negative feeling after every interaction.

Toxic people don’t show remorse for how they make you feel, for their actions, or lack thereof. The keep moving along like they haven’t skipped a beat.  And though as adults, we may be a bit more resilient to this type of behavior, as children grow older they can become quite observant and make their own opinions about a toxic relative.

The actions of toxic people usually stems from a deep-seated insecurity that compels them to drag people down into their one-dimensional hole of insecurity and instability.Because of this, you may find yourself walking on eggshells and overthinking every interaction with a toxic parent, sibling or relative.

bad appleDo you have a Toxic Parent, Sibling or Relative? Here are some signs to look for:

They “play” against you. A toxic person will actively undermine your relationships with other family members or relatives by going out of their way to damage your relationship(s). This can happen by betraying your confidence. Perhaps they tend to over share personal stuff about you that you would rather not have shared, stretch the truth or throw you under the bus. When this happens, they clearly don’t have your back and they are playing against you.

They are judgmental or overly critical, and they display jealousy.  Jealously is a good indicator that you are doing something right. (People don’t tend to get jealous of losers, do they?) Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much internal self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them. Typically, jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism or gossip.  Maybe they are judging your hair, what you are wearing, your job, your recent life choices or the date you brought to the last family function.  Ask yourself if you feel that they are honestly looking out for your best interest, or in six months from now when you break up with the date that you brought will you realize they were right?? If they are judgmental and just seem to be close minded or have a lack of manners, then yes, you are dealing with a toxic (and jealous) person.

They are negative more often than not. The conversations, thoughts and comments of a toxic person always seem to lean to the negative, sad or pessimistic side. The world is against them. Their job is against them. And as you try to stay positive with these “Negative Nellies” and bring up positive conversation, they take it the other direction. Perhaps you comment on what a nice day it is outside, and they point out that it is cloudy. You give them a compliment on what they are wearing, and they respond with how they’ve gained weight or start to dwell on their recent health problems. You may comment on how you feel comfortable with the temperature in the room, and they will comment that they are cold. You say right, they say left. You say up, they say down. People like this tend to also dwell on negative things that have happened in the past. They can’t ever seem to let things go and to move on.

They play the blame game. Toxic people tend to blame others for everything. They are never wrong, at least in their mind. And when they actually are wrong, they won’t ever admit it. Do you have that one relative who is either late or a no-show for family gatherings? Do they blame the airline? Do they blame their job, the weather or their pet? Do they blame the distance that they had to travel? Do they blame the dinner host for deciding what time dinner will be served or what is on the menu? Maybe you have a sibling or relative that showed less than desirable behavior towards you and instead of owning up to what they did, they go around to other family members or relatives and put the blame on you.

They feed off of drama and they can be manipulative. If they aren’t creating it, they are fueling it. Drama is created by a toxic person by creating conflict. They also try to get others involved in the drama and they make you feel as if anything you say can and might be used against you. Better yet, if they are good at what they do, they have had other “targeted victims” before. Past victims know what it is like to be out the “outs” with the person creating the drama so some may play along with them, even if they know the drama creator is in the wrong.

They have explosive anger issues. (Cue the yelling, and maybe even some tears.) Though anger is a natural emotion, and most of us can regulate it, toxic people tend to lose their temper at the drop of a hat and as they do so, they tend to ruin the day, or occasion for the rest of us.

They actively ignore you exclude you. Toxic people can ignore or exclude you in a number of ways. Sure there is the leaving you off of the invite list, but, have you ever walked into a family function where someone tries to either intentionally ignore you or avoid you all together? (This usually has to do with the guilt of their actions, not yours.) Maybe it is around a table of conversation. You aren’t included and no eye contact is made in your direction?  Have you ever had a situation where you have tried to make your way through a room, through a house or even a funeral parlor or banquet hall to have a friendly conversation with a (toxic) person and every time you get close to this (toxic) person, they walk farther away from you?

They only contact you when they need something or are trying to cover their tail. Be suspicious of those who only crawl out of the woodwork when they need something from you like money, a ride, a random invite to something for the first time in years, or want you to pitch in for a group gift. Be cautious when you feel that the contact is inauthentic.  It’s not that these things don’t happen in everyday life, but when a person has been silent towards you for an extended period of time and the request comes out of nowhere, be suspicious as this is a trait of a toxic person.

They talk more than they listen. And they don’t just talk, but really run from the mouth constantly and even if you try to chime in, they brush over you and the talk goes back to them because they want your empathy, your sympathy, or your support. But note that they don’t actually want your advice.  They have to always be right. (If that person has children, their children are never in the wrong, either.) Even when they (or their children) are wrong or sort of wrong. They feel that this makes them an authority on things but they really aren’t. Remember that confidence is silent and insecurities are loud!

They will lie to you. You will ask questions to show interest in their life and get flat out lies in return. Can you relate to any of these types of conversations?

 “I heard that you found a place and that you’ll be moving.” “Nope, haven’t found anything yet” (Hmm, the rest of the family seems to know that you put earnest money down.)

 “Your son (or daughter) is engaged, have the couple decided when or where for their wedding?” “No, I don’t know what they are doing.” (Hmm, the Bride is full of information.)

“I heard that so-and-so finally had luck in selling his/her mother’s house.” “Umm, I don’t know.” “Well I saw it online as “contingent” (just trying to make conversation and take interest), are you sure? Umm, well, they didn’t really make much off of it, but they are glad to have it gone. (Liar, liar pants on fire! So you do know.)

They dismiss or minimize your feelings (and possibly even your spouse’s or children’s feelings) when it comes to their actions and behavior, or lack thereof? Do you have a relative who is sorry, not sorry? Maybe you have a relative who used to send gifts to your children for birthdays and holidays and they abruptly stopped. Or maybe when they do send them, they are weeks or months late and at that point, should have just been skipped. Perhaps your children don’t see a (toxic) relative often and the few times they have the opportunity to, the relative either cancels or is a no-show. Maybe at gift-giving time you have a (toxic) relative who gets your spouse something that shows how lazy the giver was about the gift, or the lack of thought that was put into the gift. When you drop a hint for what is a better fit for your spouse for future gift-giving, or are proactive the next time and try to provide a few ideas, it falls on deaf ears. Maybe you are related to (a toxic) somebody who hold gatherings at their house, holidays, barbecues or go out to eat to celebrate milestones and birthdays and don’t consider inviting you, your husband or kids for whatever reason. Perhaps you still follow up by sending a card, gift or acknowledgement of some sort, but you get no response back.

Toxic people are exhausting! Besides the fact that you won’t feel like yourself when you are around them, you will become exhausted from being around a toxic person, even if it is just for a short time. They will leave you feeling drained. When this repeatedly happens, you start to dread being around them way before you actually have to interact with them.

So what do you do if you have identified a toxic person who you are related to?

When dealing with a toxic person, remember that it is not you, it is them and that their toxicity usually stems from their own internal traumas or insecurities. And unfortunately, unless they want to do some deep, inner work, they probably won’t change. Their choice. That is when you can make changes.

The first thing that I recommend that you do is to take a step back and take some time to decide what you want out of the relationship with the toxic person and what roll you want them to play in your life and what roll you want them to be in yours. Maybe you decide to have limited contact. Maybe you try to have more. Decide if you will maybe just love that person from a distance (see my post about sending *love* to people who are bothering you). You don’t have to be on good terms or bad terms. You can just wish them well. Only you know what you can handle emotionally, mentally and physically. Once you decide, set clear boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate and follow those boundaries. Decide what you will (and won’t) tolerate. But beware that when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you, so you may feel some backlash. Rise above it. The truth always comes to the surface.

Sometimes the only way to win, is to not to play. You can ignore the toxic person as well as their toxic behavior. Toxic people crave attention. By ignoring them and not giving energy or a reaction to their behavior, you are suffocating them. The less you respond to a negative or toxic relative, the more peaceful your life will become.

Surround yourself with positive people. In your family unit or family tree, can you find someone who is positive to be around? Someone whose company you enjoy? If not, maybe it is time to ditch the family functions and start your own traditions and celebrations with those who feel like family. Family isn’t always defined by blood.

Practice Self-Care. Before a possible interaction with a toxic relative (a party, a wedding, a funeral, a celebration, a holiday gathering) do something that brings peace to you or makes you feel good. Go for a jog or a walk. Sit at your favorite place of worship. Listen to your favorite music or practice some self-care. When you are in a good head space, it is easier to handle those who are around you.

Actual physical space between you and a toxic person is helpful. I wrote about it here: “A Little Space (Away from Negative or Toxic People) Never Hurt Anybody.”

Carry protective crystals in your pocket, purse or even in your bra. I know, this may seem too far out there for some, but there are times that you can’t avoid a negative relative at places like funerals or weddings and you may want to bring some reinforcement. For example, Black Onyx absorbs negative energy. Black Tourmaline is great for repelling negativity. Amethyst help to calm you around the actions of others. Crystals do need to be cleansed and charged, so make sure you educate yourself on how to maintain them.

Try sending a letter or email. In your message explain how your feel. Are you confused or hurt? Do you need to apologize for anything? Offer to set up a time for a phone call, to meet for coffee or to have dinner together to discuss whatever issues may need to be discussed. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t get a response. Remember that a toxic person’s actions (or lack thereof) has to do with them.

Let them eat cake – at your house! Even if someone has treated you poorly or shown toxic behavior toward you, it is okay to take steps to let that person know that you are still open to having a relationship in some capacity. For example, extend an invite to gatherings and celebrations that take place at your home. You might be surprised to see who doesn’t respond to such invites, but that is on them and that just exposes their toxic behavior even more. You won’t second guess yourself when you know that you have left the doorway open or the olive branch extended.

Sever contact if necessary. It is okay to remove toxic people from your life who threaten your joy. You don’t have to hold space for those who have damaging effects on your mental, emotional and physical health or who take away from your happiness. You can love a relative, and you can even forgive them. But it is okay to move forward in your life without them. And just because you are at peace, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t still toxic.

Take people out of boxes. In our heads we have the idea of how things should be. How people should act or what role they should play. (The role of a traditional mother, father, grandparent, sister, brother, etc.) When we put people in the boxes of how we thing they should be, we feel let down or disappointed when they don’t live up to our expectations. When you take people out of “boxes” they can no longer disappoint you.

Let go of guilt. Most of us feel the guilt of disappointing a parent or loved one if we don’t do what we think they expect us to do. (For example, “If I don’t show at Aunt Betty’s for Christmas Eve, I may disappoint Mom. “) Maybe you don’t want to attend because of the toxicity that will also be there. Make a date with Mom to spend New Year’s with her and let go of the guilt that you didn’t show up to Aunt Betty’s. Holidays and family traditions tend to be dictated by those who have passed and who are no longer with us. Rest assured that if all of your aunts and uncles don’t show up to Thanksgiving, your grandmother won’t roll over in her grave.

Let go of Worry. Don’t waste energy worrying about family that doesn’t worry about you. It is their fault if they miss out on you, your children or your family. Rather focus your energies on those who show that they care. You don’t have to tolerate people who treat you poorly.

Family can be amazing, but don’t discredit your feelings around a person just because they are blood or married into your family. Figure out what you want out of the relationship and take the necessary steps to protect your own happiness.

Parents: At What Age do you Stop going to your Child’s Bus Stop?

My children are still in grade school and they take the bus to school. Our stop has a variety of children from kindergarten to sixth grade taking the bus. Some other parents (or grandparents, or babysitters) congregate at the bus stop, while others can’t, or choose not to.  I am fortunate enough that my schedule allows me to be at the bus stop with them in the mornings. On days that I can’t make it to the stop, I usually send a text to another parent or two asking them to please keep an eye on my children and to please let me know if they are doing anything that is inappropriate in my absence. (It takes a village!)  I also know a handful of parents seem surprised that I still go down to the stop nearly every morning.

Like many kids, my children tell me that I don’t need to go to the bus stop with them. In fact, some moms of older kids tell me that it is “un-cool” to be at the bus stop. Part of me would love to not have to leave the house, especially in the cold or the rain, but the other half of me, continually hears and sees things at the bus stop that usually lead to a conversation that needs to be had after the kids get home from school, or during dinner conversation. (As many others, my kids are a continual work-in-progress and continually need to be molded and taught how to be respectable human beings.)

Sure, kids will be kids, but right when I think I don’t need to, or shouldn’t go down to the stop anymore, something happens, or is said, that leads me to believe I still need to be around and address things with my children.

My concerns can sometimes have to do with safety issues like “Get out of the street while you are waiting for the bus!”

I have heard kids using words like “gay” in an inappropriate context, or trying to “school others” of what it means to be gay – many time in front of younger and impressionable ears with wrong information being provided.

Recently another child used the word “racist” in a negative way as he stated that he “wanted to watch something on his phone that was racist.” Also said in front of impressionable ears.

The other day I saw an unattended child licking rocks. (I can’t make this up.)  She thought she was being cute and said that they tasted like saw dust. Some of us parents tried to discourage her by telling her that they were dirty, but that didn’t stop her.

Many kids have devices these days, as do many kids at our stop, (mine still don’t – I know, that makes me “un-cool” again!) and I have seen them on their phones discussing how they are registering for things that they need to be over the age of 18 for. As a reminder, a few of these children are 12, but many are younger. (Chalk that up to different rules, different families, I guess.)

In the past I’ve heard children at our stop talk about world events and tragedies in heartless and at times, brash tones. They are children and have a lot to learn, and families address such events in different ways in their own homes, but I have found myself chiming in to these conversations when necessary.

I’ve seen a young child at our stop take things like fruit out of his or her lunch box and throw it at other children. Once it is thrown, it is left on the ground unless another parent suggests that it gets picked up.

Perhaps my bus stop is one of the worst ones in town? (Probably not.)

Or maybe all bus stops have a little of this going on? (Probably so.)

Kids will be kids, but I feel that they are continually a work-in-progress and they need pruning along the way.

 I don’t know about you, but I choose to continue to be an “un-cool” parent and keep my eyes and ears on my children as well as those around them – At least for a little longer.

So I ask, “At What Age do you Stop going to your Child’s Bus Stop?” You can reply in the comments section below or join the discussion on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/JoinTheDiscussionCoffeeConversationTransformation/

What if Emotions are not “bad” or “good” but simply “comfortable” or “uncomfortable?” What if you Listen to what they are telling you?

emptionsEach uncomfortable emotion is trying to tell us something, we just need to listen. If we dig deep, we can use our emotions as a compass to guide us and to help us to grow and evolve. When we suppress, or ignore our emotions we don’t work through the parts of us that needs to heal or grow, we let our emotions control us. We don’t control them. If we continually don’t acknowledge them, or better yet LEARN from them, they can lead us down a dark hole.

Here is a list of what your emotions could reveal or show you. Do any of them make sense to you right now?

Anger: Reveals your passion, where your boundaries are and what you believe needs to be changed. Is your anger geared towards work-life, home-life, a family situation, or a community issue?

Bitterness: Shows that there is a need to heal. It shows you that there are still judgments you’re holding towards others or yourself. (This is a big one in my family that people have issues dealing with.)

Disappointment: Tells you that you’ve tried to make a change that you didn’t give in completely. It shows that you still care.

Guilt: Conveys that you’re living your life through other’s expectations of how THEY think you should be, act or feel.

Resentment: Communicates the emotion that shows you that you are living in the past and not in the present moment. This can happen when you don’t accept your present circumstances or situation.

Sadness: Can communicate to you the depth of your feelings. How much you care for others or the world around you.

Shame: Exhibits an internalization of other people’s beliefs about who (they think) you should be or (think) you are.

emptions peacefulWhenever you experience a negative emotion, take a moment and stop and listen and try to understand why this emotion exists. It’s your body and soul speaking out to you that something is out of balance and needs adjusting. That is not a bad thing. The sooner you adjust it. The better. If you don’t, it may keep manifesting.

I’d love to hear how you listened to your emotion(s) and adjusted accordingly. You can reply in the comments section below or join the discussion on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/JoinTheDiscussionCoffeeConversationTransformation/

Strengthen your Emotional Power with this quick, little Exercise!

We all have people in our lives who get under our skin or irritate our spirit from time to time. Maybe for you it is a co-worker, a relative, an Ex, or a busy-body neighbor who is always in your business.
Would you like to elevate your vibration and remove confusion or disorder between you and another? I have a quick, little exercise that you can do anywhere: I want you to send *love* to three people who are bothering you. At first, this may not be easy, but you will feel freer every time you do it. When you practice sending love to your enemies, you are practicing compassion.
Send Love - REVISED2When you do this exercise,  you are strengthening your emotional power.
Easy?
No.
Freeing?
Yes!
It doesn’t mean that you suddenly become friends with your enemy, but when you harbor anger or hate, you may notice things like repeated problems in your life, illness, debt, insomnia and even injury, just to name a few. Why hang on to that? Let that go!
Also, when you practice compassion, you raise your vibration. When you raise your vibration, you also raise the vibration that is in your home, your family, your neighborhood, your town, your state, your country and even the vibration of the planet. Yup! That’s right!
Give this little exercise a try and feel free to drop me a line and tell me how it worked for you.
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I am not the Authority on Millennial Slang or Acronyms, but how do You Respond when Your Child asks, “What does “AF” mean?” (And have you ever really stopped to think about what AF really means?)

(This post contains adult content and isn’t suitable for younger readers.)

 

I am not the authority on millennial slang or acronyms. Nor was I ever really an expert in grammar and the AP Style Guide and I never got along well either.

Seeing that I was born before 1981, I myself am not a millennial. This post isn’t intended to put down millennials. But if it stirs something up in you, I suppose it is getting you to think. (Which is the reason for this post.)

Millennials are not bad people. And every generation has been irritated by the generations that have come after it. I do question, that in a society where we are already getting lazy and lazier (see my post: “When did Business Casual Become Backyard Casual?”) I don’t relate to how as a society we are getting so lazy that we can’t even use full words or sentences anymore, but let’s save that discussion for another day.

My issue with millennial slang, and let’s note that it isn’t just millennials using it, but society as a whole has started to adopt it, is that I don’t feel that it is appropriate for ALL ages. Let’s take for example “AF.” It is an acronym that can be found on apparel, coffee mugs, and even on my Yahoo home page in my news feed, just to name a few places.

cover eyesAs a parent, I try not to peruse the internet with my young ones looking over my shoulder. I still try to protect my young children from what they are watching on television and in movies, what song lyrics they are listening to that are appropriate at their age, as well as what words are acceptable in our home. Our home isn’t rated for mature audiences quite yet. In places like stores, I do my best to re-direct them from merchandise that will lead us to an uncomfortable conversation, but when people are on the street, in a grocery store or at community events wearing apparel with the “AF” on it, I can’t always control what my children are seeing.

The other day while grocery shopping, my youngest saw a lady wearing a shirt that had AF on it and she asked me, “Mom, what does AF mean?” I scrambled for a moment and the best thing I could come up with was “Always Funny! That person’s shirt means she is funny all of the time!” (Lucky me. She bought it… for now.)

Her question did get me thinking. What does AF really mean? When referring to the acronym ‘AF”, the “A” stands for “As” and the “F”, well you know, “F*ck.”

The F-word (which is described as “vulgar slang” when you google the dictionary meaning) can mean: to have, or the act of: sexual intercourse. It can also mean to ruin or damage, and when used alone or as a noun or verb in various phrases to express annoyance, contempt, or impatience. (Source: Oxford Dictionary)

Let me break it down for you a bit further. Again, from the Oxford Dictionary.

The word Annoyance means: The feeling or state of being annoyed; irritation. A thing that annoys someone; a nuisance.

Contempt is defined as: The feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration. Disregard for something that should be considered. The offense of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its officers.

And Impatience is: The tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness.

So, this got me thinking, if you have AF on a sign, a shirt, a headline, are you telling the world that you are: Sexual intercourse? A nuisance? Disobedient? Impatient??

If you wear a shirt around the holidays that says you are “Jolly AF” are you possibly telling me you are as “cheerful as sexual intercourse?” Or maybe you are “happy to damage?” (Sounds weird, I know. But refer back to the definitions above.)

When you sport that new Halloween tee that you purchased through a crafting website that says “Spooky AF” are you telling those who see you in it that you are potentially “ghostly beneath consideration?” Or that you are “sinister yet expressing annoyance?”

What about the parent who is wearing something that says “Mom AF” (or Dad AF)?  Are you possibly “one’s mother (or father) who has disregard for something that should be considered?” (Ah, what the what?)

Here’s one. What about “Feminist AF?”  Is this an oxymoron? So in one breath we are for equality of the sexes, (feminist) yet we will use the f-word with it. Does that blur lines back to us viewing woman as sexual objects? (Look up the word “Male Gaze” when you have time.)

Is your man “Savage AF” meaning he is “uninhabitable and in a state of being annoyed?”

Maybe you are “Engaged AF”… you know, you formally agreed to marry someone yet there is irritability and restlessness? Maybe not the best way to kick of an engagement.

I could go on, and on, but you get the idea. I am not an authority on the English language, and the English Language IS a growing collection of words. Is it me, or did nobody stop and think this slang through?? When you pick it a part, it doesn’t sound too intelligent. Also, do people not think before they put on a shirt or post a sign or advertisement that young eyes and ears are everywhere? And before you assume that my standards are too high or I am too “whatever” (fill in the blank), I myself own some shirts that have sayings on them that are not kid appropriate. I choose to not wear them around my children or in places where I will run into children. I save them for when I am in an adult setting. I also feel that though they may seem inappropriate for some ages, they AT LEAST make sense in what they say, unlike some of the AF slang I just described.

If you are a parent, (an aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc.), how do handle unavoidable slang and acronyms that aren’t suitable for young children? You can reply in the comments section below or join the discussion on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/JoinTheDiscussionCoffeeConversationTransformation/