I am a firm believer that lessons are continually taught until they are learned. I feel that this thought also extends in to relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but friendships as well. Processing past relationships, before moving on to the next one, can help you to evolve and prevent you from repeating previous mistakes. And honestly, there is positive in all relationships.
Many of us have been there before, myself included. You barely get out of one relationship before you are on to the next. Sometimes we have someone in the works before we end one relationship. We like to have a “back up.” Sometimes we started a new relationships before ending the previous one. We glide from one to the next basically because we can ignore any pain or accountability in between. It helps our ego to not feel alone or to be alone. It helps us to fulfill social engagements and helps others to feel “successful” on some level. But sooner or later… the continuous motion of going from one relationship to the next eventually hits us in the face, if we don’t hit rock bottom first. When any relationship comes to an end, it can affect us mentally, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes it is just the most recent relationship that we need to face and deal with, and other times, if we have ignored what went wrong in past relationships, we have more work to do as there are more issues and emotions that need to come to the surface and be dealt with.
When you give yourself some time in between each relationship, you allow yourself time to heal and to reflect. For most, this isn’t fun. Sitting in silence… single…and alone…can be defining for some. Giving yourself “time” before jumping into another friendship, relationship, or even casually dating again, gives you a chance to see what was good and bad about your past relationship that you can either change or pull forward into the next one.
For example, is there something about your last friend or partner that you won’t put up with again in a future relationship? What about your friend(s) or partner(s) before that? Can you see a trend of what you are putting up with or what you are overlooking in a relationship? Do you have a “type” and is that “type” no really a good fit for you? What can YOU do better or differently in a relationship? Are you contributing to the failing of your relationships and do you have patterns that you need to break so that history doesn’t keep repeating itself?
I recently had a client who could not stand being single. This person had a job and a family to take care of but was still always looking to be out and about, for something to do and for someone to be with. My suggestion to my client was to grab a couple of books. They didn’t need to be anything in particular, just whatever was of interest at the time and to spend “alone” time reading for the next few months. The weather was nice so I suggested that the reading could take place outside or by a pool. Another suggestion I had was to take up a hobby or to take a class. Nothing expensive, but just the intention to learn or to explore something new. To other clients, I suggest things like exercise. Nothing serious, if that isn’t their thing, but even 20 minutes a day walking, or trying some yoga can help to fill your time as well as to help you focus mentally.
My best advice to anyone who has just ended a relationship is for you to allow yourself the time you need to see what lessons your last relationship has brought to your attention. Each relationship you have had has taught you something. Maybe it is something good. Maybe it is something not-so-good. Either way, you need to take that information and grow! But this can’t happen if you are off and running into a new relationship.
Have you put yourself “on a break” before moving on to another relationship? What did you learn about yourself? What did you discover about your relationship patterns? You can reply in the comments section below or join the discussion on Facebook at: //www.facebook.com/HealRiseUpandAscend/